Love Reborn

Up until now, I had no idea that the love of my life was the same person I got stuck with inside the "X-Ray Room", should I say THANK YOU to Mam Lorie (supervisor)? La la la.

I am no hypocrite. Tbh, there was something so mysterious about him, to the extent that I'm willing to dig deeper just to find it out.

He was shy and perhaps intimidated by me. I don't know.

I came to work late shift and he's doing nights by that time, well as far as I remember. To sum it up, we didn't really had our moments as conflicted by our schedule.

Though we didn't really talk much at work, I could say, I've tried to always communicate with him by any means. Unfortunately, I seldom got his response back. I wasn't sure what was going on between us, but I was certain we already had connection, a vague connection. But no matter how unclear it was for me, I took it as a (+) sign.

Time passed away, and so did he. We lost the only possible way of staying connected. He was out of reach, out of nowhere. He disappointed me, big time!

As far back as my vivid memory can recall, the song "SOMEDAY" by Nina had been playing in my head repeatedly.

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see this through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You don't really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you

Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and I'm not do anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

It was just so much of everything. I was in despair of falling in love. Yes, I was separated from the person I was made to love and loved by the one who was made to love me. I did love(d) him as well, but sometimes, Love wasn't enough for us. An unexplained event just happened so suddenly and so it ended. I learned so much from the relationship I had in the past, I thought it made me a better person. Thank you.

This time, I am making a final U-turn here. It seems as if fate has given us a 2nd chance. My SOMEDAY has COME.

And that SOMEONE has arrived.

Di, I can't wait to be with you. I can't wait to hear you singing the song DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO for me, where I will be singing BABY NOW THAT I FOUND YOU back to you. Let's keep the Lord in the center of our relationship and everything will fall into place. I don't want to promise you anything, but I will love you, ever.

TLC, Momi :)

My Prayer

Ello chaps! It's the 3rd day of rest, literally bed-ridden. I routinely do the same thing everyday-- First thing in the morning as I open my eyes, I yawn, check out mails/sms on my cp then get up, go to the loo, wash my face then back to bed again and do the FB thingy on my lappy... It's shameful, don't you think so? Well, I am just thankful, I've a day of rest.

Anyroad, I wanna share this Prayer from a very famous writer...

Thank you for the letters, PAULO COELHO.

Lord, protect our doubts, because Doubt is a way of praying. It is Doubt that makes us grow because it forces us to look fearlessly at the many answers that exist to one question. And in order for this to be possible…

Lord, protect our decisions, because making Decisions is a way of praying. Give us the courage, after our doubts, to be able to choose between one road and another. May our YES always be a YES, and NO always be a NO. Once we have chosen our road, may we never look back nor allow our soul to be eaten away by remorse. And in order for this to be possible…

Lord, protect our actions, because Action is way of praying. May our daily bread be the result of the very best that we carry within us. May we, through work and Action, share a little of the love we receive. And in order for this to be possible…

Lord, protect our dreams, because to Dream is a way of praying. Make sure that, regardless of our age or our circumstances, we are capable of keeping alight in our heart the sacred flame of hope and perseverance. And in order for this to be possible…

Lord, give us enthusiasm, because Enthusiasm is way of praying. It is what binds us to the Heavens and to Earth, to grown-ups, and to children; it is what tells us that our desires are important and deserve our best efforts. It is Enthusiasm that reaffirms to us that everything is possible, as long as we are totally committed to what we are doing. And in order for this to be possible…

Lord, protect us, because Life is the only way we have of making manifest Your miracle. May the earth continue to transform seeds into wheat, may we continue to transmute wheat into bread. And this is only possible if we have Love; therefore, do not leave us in solitude. Always give us Your company, and the company of men and women who have doubts, who act and dream and feel enthusiasm, and who live each day as if it were totally dedicated to Your glory.

Amen.

Was it all worth it?

I try so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and I felt it as well as all of my close friends have felt it

(I guess so!). I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn to really really deal and stay with the feeling of being in love. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I or He freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense.

Not so long ago, I discovered something which I knew for a fact was forbidden, deliciously forbidden! It was tempting so I took the chance and ate the

Forbidden Fruit of Eden.

At first, it was thrilling, I felt the shiver up and down my spine.

Though I haven't tried riding on a roller coaster, I could say that the feeling was pretty much the same- I was giddy headed.

Those twists and turns made me shiver with excitement and anticipation :)

From the very first day, things were amazing!

I was happy :))

I was inspired, I hoped and I thought that things will fall into place - in time.

That the feelings grow over time.

Well, good things never last that long enough!

I was impatient for progress and I became selfish and disabled.

I only see bright lights and only hear/read sweet nothings.

Peak me.

From the very beginning, I knew that I already lost the battle.

I couldn't even throw the question...

"S'ya ba o Ako?",

because the answer was obviously implied.

But since I really wanted to try, I swallowed my pride and ate my words.

I laid down all my cards, expecting to score points.

Well, I did! I can rate my guts to 6 out of 10 :)

Then again, the remaining cards were trashed completely to the bin!

I was binned or felt that way.

Was it all worth it?

The last couple of weeks I started to realize some things I needed to get of my chest.

That we weren't meant to be. I never saw anything resembles between us.

We became a team in a short period of time then suddenly, he was my opponent.

Those were yesterday's feelings.

I know that someday, I will find someone (because LOVE doesn't fine you on it's own...),

who will stick around, no matter what.

with me

Here is my confession though, I’m Weak.

So for maybe a minute or an hour or for however long it takes before my pride take over once again, i’m going to be okay with not being okay.